Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
