He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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