sarcasm needs its own font
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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