if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
