I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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