i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
