She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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