bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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