my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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