I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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