she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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