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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'

  (586): View more from Michigan

  And I thought

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Fuck I do that shit every weekend

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  There are paw prints all over my ceiling.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.

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• (631): View more from New York

  This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased

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