there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
