if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
