everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
