I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
