Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
