So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
