Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
