hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
