I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
