can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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