She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
