The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
