i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
