I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
