She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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