There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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