Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
