My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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