Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
