you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
