this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
