And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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