i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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