I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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