I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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