Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
