seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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