R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
