My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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