Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
