just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
