It's Friday. Sex?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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