i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
