Do vagina's smell?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So much Jack, so little girl.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
