Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
