i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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