weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
