what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
