The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
