i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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