i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
