apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
